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When should I start talking to my daughter about
her first period? How much information should I provide
my preschooler about the conception, growth, and birth
of a new sibling? How come my son thinks he knows
so much about the “birds and the bees” and he is only
eight years old? The family-rated television show
was loaded with sexual innuendoes. Should I have insisted
that we turn it off? How carefully should I monitor
my children’s entertainment in the future?
These are just a few of the common concerns that
we parents face as our children interact with a culture
that bombards them with sexual messages. Understanding
the broader dimensions of sexuality and the roles
that family, friends, school, and the media play in
influencing children’s views of themselves as sexual
beings is essential for charting a safe, smooth course
through the potential minefields between childhood
and adult sexual identity. Many parents wait to address
sexual issues until their child enters puberty. Obvious
bodily changes in their youngster force some parents
to deliver “the talk.” Others hope the school will
do what they don’t want to and are relieved when their
child returns home clutching pamphlets about a girl’s
first period handed out during a lecture on sex
education. Moreover, most parents have not had much
education in the field of human sexuality themselves.
As a pediatrician and mother of three children,
I, too, have struggled with communication “how-to’s,”
with the various versions of “the birds and the bees,”
and with helping mothers talk to their young girls
about their first menstrual period and making good
choices surrounding sexuality.
It is understandable why parents often put off
educating their own offspring. Many parents also have
beliefs that if they don’t talk about sex, their children
won’t be interested or tempted. But waiting until
puberty, or worse yet until your daughter has her
first period, to approach the topic of sexuality is
unwise. Sexuality is an important part of the child’s
life from the moment he or she is born and plays an
important role throughout his/her entire life. Providing
children with the necessary information that allows
them to make informed choices and be the architects
of their own lives is the essence of parenting.
Talking about sexuality requires the same communication
skills that contribute to healthy relationships in
general between parents and children. If parents can
cultivate open dialogues with their young children
as they explore the topics of sexuality together,
this same openness will allow parents to offer advice
and guidance as their youngsters approach their teenage
years. However, if parents do not begin the process
early, the subject of sexuality will feel less natural
for both parents and their children, and both may
be uncomfortable with this new intimacy and with the
sheer magnitude of the issues that must be dealt with
in a hurry. But keep in mind that starting late is
far better than never starting at all.
Keys to having healthy chats with your
children:
• All human beings are born with the capacity to
experience sexual feelings.
• Children are sexual beings from the moment they
are born.
• A healthy sexuality is a vital part of a child’s
healthy self-esteem.
• Your example as a parent provides a model for
the development of your child’s sexuality.
• Providing your child with information appropriate
to his/her developmental stage is essential to your
child’s sexual understanding of the world.
• Sexuality involves the physical aspects of our
bodies as well as the emotional aspects, including
relationships, life skills, and decision-making
skills.
• Children receive information about sexuality from
the media, their peers, and society in general.
We parents do not necessarily agree with all of
this information, but we need to prepare children
to cope with it.
• Parents need to provide their children with clear
messages regarding their own family values and attitudes
about sexuality.
Presenting information in incremental steps through
open communication and dialogue should help parents
and their children build informed, trusting, healthy
life relationships. By proactively addressing common
issues such as talking about “the birds and the bees”
and preparing your daughter for her first
menstrual period. With communication, you and
your children will have built the foundation necessary
for their development into healthy, sexually responsible
adults. This accomplishment is the reward that results
when we choose to take active roles in our children’s
health education.
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